Skills are Relationships

Every skill is a relationship. It's something to be nurtured rather than utilized or mastered like a tool.

Learning piano develops a relationship with the piano. It shows you what kind of music you enjoy, what emotions it brings out. It shows you what emotions you want to create. It shows you how disciplined you are. It shows you how you react to facing an infinite game. It shows you how you deal with frustration. It shows you how you learn from others and the world.

How you exercise or eat is reflective of your relationships with your body. It shows you your degree of self-acceptance. It shows you your comfort in your own skin. It shows you how you desire and want to be desired. It shows you your limits and your relationships with limits.

How you spend your free time reveals your relationship with freedom. It shows what you value beyond obligation, what brings you joy, and how comfortable you are with yourself in moments of stillness. It shows whether you seek novelty, depth, relaxation, or adventure.

Relationships are nurtured like a plant. When they are young they need constant care and nurturing. When they become established habits, they are more self-sustaining. Sometimes this is a good size. Sometimes it feels like stuckness. It depends on how satisfying the relationship is. Not every relationship has to be infinitely deep. Maybe the piano is like a friendly neighbor, not something you want to build an entire life and career with.

The tiger mom corrupts the relationship with the skill just like having parents watch over first dates ruins the date. A mediated relationship never develops intimacy.

Therapists know this as well. The client often has to reestablish a relationship with themselves by themselves. Advice and perspective is helpful but any excessive control corrupts the intimacy.